What to do, what to do…
while being in a big snow storm
Hello everyone!
I’ll be honest, I haven’t been feeling really creative lately. Or inspired, or motivated to do anything at all. It’s just not there. This winter season really did initiate a slow down. Or maybe the weather is just affecting me more than I know? It definitely could be that. Or maybe both. Because it’s always a combination of things.
Anyway, whatever it may be, I’m in a place where nothing is quite moving much.
I always feel like I have to make something happen, or else it’s not gonna happen. Which is not too far off, because that’s how one goes after goals or visions. You take action towards the things you want to achieve. But I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels. Or perhaps I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m doing more than I am. I feel like I’m making progress because I’m thinking about it all the time, yet nothing is actually happening. Because that’s a thing.
I’m also feeling kind of all over the place. I don’t know where to focus my energy because there’s so many things I want to do. Curse of being multi-passionate I guess. But I do know this year is going to be big. Well…maybe not big per se, but I definitely feel as though something is going to happen this year. There’s a different energy than the previous years. More energy moving, instead of staying put. It seems like the last couple of years have been a preparation season. A phase in which I went inward, I reflected, I grew, and I worked on some things. ( though that process will never truly stop ) And now, it’s time to focus on moving forward. To move toward the visions I have for my life. To move towards what I want out of life. How I want my life to be.
Yet, at the moment, I feel a little stuck. And I want to say I don’t know why, but perhaps it’s because I’m not focusing on the right things. That what I’m currently focused on is not working whatsoever, so a different path needs to be taken. A different strategy. I’m too fixated on what makes other people successful, and what helps them. I am my own person. What works for someone else, doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for me. And even if it would work for me, that doesn’t mean it is right for me. There is a difference.
I guess subconsciously I want quick success and that’s not how that works. I want quick solutions, but nothing in life that is made to last, is quick. I know this, but scrolling through social media has truly fucked my perception of literally everything and anything. And that is something I’m working on.
I am addicted to this instant gratification that social media portrays. This highlight reel of a “dream” life. Yet when I think about it, is it really a life I want? Or just something I’ve been brainwashed to want? And when I get real with myself, a lot of it is not what I really want. So, I have to force myself to take a step back from consuming because of that knowledge.
What I want out of life, is different than most peoples’ wants. And that is perfectly fine and valid. I just have to be intentional about how I cultivate that life, given what I know about myself. I have to go against the grain to achieve what I want.
So perhaps this is what this stagnation is all about. I feel stuck because I’m not doing what is right for me. What is right to get the life I want. Maybe this resistance is the Universe’s way of redirecting me. Like, “these ways don’t work, so go this other way” type of thing.
I remember reading something somewhere that when you are going in the right direction, life will be easy. And I don’t mean that in the sense that most people will know. It’s meant in the way that when going in the right direction, life will feel at ease. Things will start flowing. Things will just start to click in the most divine way. That’s what I mean by “easy.”
Maybe that’s what’s going on.
I’ve felt this flow state - if you will - before, but I guess my brain keeps taking over. The part that wants to control everything and want everything just so. The part that needs things to happen in a certain way or it’s not valid. That logical, rigid mindset is very strong within me. ( I think it’s so strong because I’m Autistic and have ADHD, but that’s a whole other thing…) It’s very difficult to let that control go. But that is the key. If I can just allow myself to surrender to what my subconscious is telling me, I believe my life go a little smoother. It’s never that easy, but this year is the year of being really intentional about how I exist and live in this reality.
I really want to change my life for the better, but I have to also actively try as well. Or nothing’s ever going to change. I have to actually try, or I’m just self sabotaging myself and possibly gaslighting myself into thinking I’m changing when in fact I’m not. I have to really lock in on what’s ‘working’ for me and what feels right. Building the foundation is the beginning. You have to have a strong foundation before anything else.
thanks for reading!